I would be lying if I didn’t say the past 6 or so months have been a roller coaster of emotions. New job, town, car, place to live, friends, and church. It feels like everything that was normal to me for the last 5 years in Africa is now so far away but feels like yesterday all at the same time. Since coming back, I’ve been faced with new health issues among the problems with my stomach. It feels like if I have a minute to take a breath, something else pops up.
Yet, this whole time I’ve felt weirdly calm. It often feels like I’m drowning but have control the whole time. That’s a pretty scary place to be for someone who thrives on normality.
As I was driving to work this week, I was listening to a worship song. The lyrics say:
“My faith beyond what it feels like - all the way to breakthrough".”
My faith beyond what it feels like. That’s what life feels like right now. I’ll catch myself talking to someone saying “I know God will work it out.” But right now i’m not living in the worked out part. I feel like the ground under my feet is very shaky. I wake up and dread a lot of the days of the week before I pray and remember His faithfulness.
But in that, God is working. In that, God is making my faith stronger. In that, God is letting me know that even though it feels like everything around me might be falling, He isn’t. It feels like things are hard, but faith. It might even look like things are hard, but God.
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1
When I can’t see, God is working. When it feels hard, God is working. When life gets dark, God is light. When health diagnosis’ are given, God is healing. When change is hard, God is stable. When our job feels heavy, God takes those burdens. When relationships are challenging, God says “look to me.” When home feels far, God is our home.
Grateful today that my faith is beyond what it feels like. And that in each and every moment, Jesus is standing in the gap giving peace, love, and joy.