The last ten days to me have felt like a whirlwind of emotion. From leaving South Africa to arriving in the U.S., I have felt every emotion that can be felt. People have been excited to see me as well as people who were so sad to see me go. I have felt torn in between two worlds and It’s hard to find my footing. I wish I had a better answer for “are you happy to be back?” Or “was it hard to leave?” Both, yes but for different reasons.
You see, for me I didn’t just come “home.” I left a home too. I left a place where people welcomed me no questions asked. I left a place that grew my relationship with the Lord in ways I would have never imagined. I left a place that I deeply loved, people I deeply care for, and well, a home.
Living in Africa was never something I had planned for. I always say I was the accidental missionary. I didn’t know that’s what I would come to love and do. But, boy did I fall. I fell in love with people, places, and views. I fell in love with the songs of the people of Africa. The drum beats that often felt like heart beats, and the way life was lived there.
Coming back to another home has been confusing and strange. Things feel familiar. People feel familiar. I’ve seen people i’ve known my whole life, family, friends. But, somehow it all feels different. It’s also home, but a home that is now distant to me and I need to find my way back.
It’s been hard for me to process the last two weeks. I keep getting confused with sides of the car, light switches, languages, and so much more. But, deep down inside, I have peace knowing God is up to something. He is always up to something.
Although I’m living the in between right now, I have to trust that the Lord will direct my steps. I trust that He will lead me beside still waters. I trust that He will make my ways straight. I trust that He will make His face shine upon me. And I can’t explain that kind of trust. The trust where I feel lost, but know God will allow me to be found, in his time, even in the in between.
