I can’t even remember the last time I sat down to write something. Between sheer exhaustion, starting a new job, emotional struggles missing a world I once knew, and just the general busyness of life, I haven’t been able to even form complete thoughts sometimes. Now that I’ve been in America a little over 4 months, I can say it still doesn’t feel like home. I’m living in the town I grew up in, driving the streets I learned to drive on and yet, it feels far from home.
Home still feels like waking up and boiling the kettle for early morning coffee before an outreach. Home still feels like dad jokes and lots of laughing in the kitchen in Centurion. Home still feels like an early morning walk on the farm in the Free State. Home still feels like Sunday mornings at a church I came to know and love there. Home still feels like dirt roads, taxis, and lots of traveling. Home still feels like Goeie More, Unjani, and Lumela.
The more I am in America, the more my heart yearns for South Africa. Even though this may be just a season here for me, I realize how my heart always feels the most home with Jesus.
“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:1-2
My heart dwells with him. Even though I may feel like I don’t have a home right now, I know my home is a person: Jesus.
This season has been a season of refining for me. The Lord has been showing me what is good and pleasing to Him and what isn’t. I came back to a different America than I left. I left a different Africa than what I will go to again one day.
What I can rest my heart in, is the shadow of the Almighty. I can rest in who He is, what He is, and what He says about me. God will always and forever be my home no matter where I am. I’m thankful that Jesus looks at broken, lost, and hurting me and takes me and says, “Just rest in me my beloved, I am for you and not against you. I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
My Hope lies in the eternal home we will have one day in the arms of Jesus and today I will rest in that truth.
