What do I really feel? How do I view myself? Recently I read a piece about being unqualified and it poses the question about how we really feel or think of ourselves. If I had to do a moral inventory I don't think I would like the answer. But I sat down for my self assessment at our school here in Namibia. I think sometimes how we view ourselves has a lot to do with our past, what we are told, who has defined us and what society says. So, here it is - my own self assessment. I'm Julia. I'm a sinner. I'm broken. I'm unworthy. I am not a leader. I tend to fall into the pack of not qualified. I am lost, a mess, and sometimes feel I am not smart. If I was smart, I would have a job lined up after this trip. If I was organized, I would have a place to live and not be questioning my future. The list could go on about how I view myself.
But as I look around at our school here, kids run towards me with open arms. They call me friend, "teacha Julia," and they often say how much they love me. They don't even know my past, my future, or even my present but these kids are teaching me more lessons about myself. I can teach, I can love. I can be a friend.
I've prayed daily to feel qualified enough for the job at hand but I think God didn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called. While there are doubts and struggles, I know and want to truly believe where my truth comes from even if I'm still learning to believe it. So in the midst of the mess that I feel about the hardships of being here, my future or my past, I am Julia. I'm qualified enough because God made me enough.